For the past few weeks, I've been into some kind of self-introspection... I somehow get to evaluate what kind of life I lived for the past 23 years. And from there, I am trying to envision what kind of life I would want to have for the next coming years.
I basically grew up always aiming for the best things in life. Although we are not rich, I always get what I wanted. I never experienced harships in life because I've been blessed to have a family whose always been very supportive in everything that I do/want.
Then, I get to think, what do I really want in my life? Why despite everything that I have, am still not happy? Why do I feel empty, wasted and as if I'm left out all alone in the dark? I say, it is because I was always discontent in my life...
My brother get to say that content people are losers. It is when you are not contented that you strive to get something more. Is it so? Maybe true. But I'd say, there is no such thing as "perfect something". It's like saying : "If you can have the best, why would you settle for just a mere better?" But the big question is : how can be the best be qualified to be called the best? How could you standardize it? Your best may not be the best for me, while mine may not be yours. All things both have their own pros and cons in a given situation. Maybe It's just that - life is about choices. It is up to us to choose what will make us happy... and happiness is about contentment.
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Everyday is an opportunity for us to grow and to learn new things. I'm learning how to appreciate simple things in life. Thus, am perfectly contented at the moment.
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This article has given me significant new perspectives in life. Quite long, but it is worth reading...
ONE of the last emails Ediren wrote was on April 25, 2001 to a young boy whose assignment from school was to define what true happiness means, What she wrote was a good summary of what Ediren had been going thru during that time, and an excellent testimony of her attitude and perspective in all her trials. Shortly after, on May 16, 2001, she was confined in the hospital, diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer and passed away on Oct. 17, 2001.
Dear __,
Your dad called and asked me to write you concerning what true happiness is. I have never given it much thought. Now that I have to qualify it, the first thing that came to mind is the word "contentment". Yes, to be content is to be truly happy.
Take my case for an instance. I am saddled with a long list of illnesses. I've had cancer, osteoporosis, hyperthyroidism, anemia and currently, I am suffering from radiation colitis, for which there is no known cure. in the event of a flare-up, it is not uncommon for me to vomit for a dozen times within an hour. Concurrently, I'd have bouts of diarrhea and be subjected to excruciating stomach cramps of the kind that can only be relieved with narcotic pain killers. Since Aug of last year, there hasn't been a day that passed that I haven't had fever.
The implications of what I have just told you are rather extensive. Generally, for the past two years, I have been sick for almost every day of my life. to date, i have almost forgotten how it feels to be well and to be free from pain. I used to be a health nut. I would go to the gym for a good work-out at least three times a week to keep myself fit. Now, my energy levels are so low that walking a few meters would make me reel and pant for breath. Due to colitis, my gut has become so sensitive I cannot eat most of the food that I wanted to eat. My diet is restricted to the point where eating is no longer a pleasure. In fact, recent developments have it that because of the steady decline of my health, I am hooked up to an intravenous line for parental feeding. This means that instead of taking food like you do via the oral route and being able to savor the good taste of what you are eating, I simply get my nutrition intravenously sans taste. Imagine that! Gone are the days when I could freely go out with my friends because now, I am virtually chained to my I.V. pole. Since my mobility is compromised; I cannot shot, go traveling, visit friends or move around with ease.
The big question is, given such a life, am I happy? Some days, these get to me and I would become sad. On the other hand, most of the time, I am perfectly at peace with myself and my situation. This may sound ironic, but it is true. For the same situation, I've had two different reactions. On the sad days, I noticed I had focused too much on my liabilities and I was always wishing for things what were seemingly unattainable, such as good health. On happy days, despite having the same set of sorry circumstances, I noticed I was just content.
Contentment as they say is not the fulfillment of a wish, a longing or a craving. It is a state of mind. It is the ability to have a genuine appreciation for the things that we have on hand. On my happy days, my frame of mind is such that I am grateful for the gift of life. Just to be able to wake up and see the sun shining through my windows is a real treat. In my heart, I look forward to the promise of a great day ahead. I am thankful for simple joys like being able to taste a fragment of chocolate instead of bemoaning the fact that I cannot devour the whole bar. I am pleased that I can sit, walk and stand on my own, without the aid of a nurse. Not being able to run or do high-impact aerobics exercises do not bother me in the least. Being grateful for seemingly mundane things and living in the present are the emphatic key points. I bask in the love and attention of my family instead of taking them for granted. I allow the fragrance of the flowers my friends have sent to transport me to the pleasures of dining al fresco. But most of all, I hold the deep conviction that despite everything; I am blessed and spoiled by God.
True happiness also translates to a stronger participation, a deeper involvement in life. It doesn't come naturally because the marginal propensity for human nature to be discontent far outweighs its tendency to be content with what it has. Therein lies the culprit. And so, we have to consciously war against our nature to wish for that which is desirable yet elusive to us. Be reminded that with marvelous impartiality, each of us is given exactly the same number of minutes and hours in a given day. Time is the raw material. What we do is up to us.
A wise man once said, "Life is what you make it." Bear in mind, and you'll be happy.
Yours,
Ediren
