The very first time I met you 13 years ago, I said to myself, "you're nice, we can be good friends..."
The following months just followed the fact that we're like brothers and sisters and that we opted to love one another and care for each other.. I did. I loved you as my own brother and cared for you as such. My childish whims always sufface whenever there are situations calling for it, but inspite of all the troubles I made, you were always there to save me out of it - you never failed to show me that each day is an opportunity to grow no matter how bad it may seem.
You've been there all throughout my younger years, you've been such a good friend and brother to me... how I wish I could turn back time and remain 11 for the rest of my life to have all your care forever...
I grew up contented with just having you around. Never did I realilzed that there might be the possibility of being "us". Being afraid to lose you, I still took that risk, thus, I fell for you...
I knew deep down that you loved me. I've felt it. I know...The first time you ever told me you love me was one of the happiest day in my life. I can still recall how my heart was beating double time then, forcing blood to rush through my arteries and veins... "Inside, I found myself looking at something that felt a lot like home. We shared the same ideals. The same sentiments. The same wavelength. Even for that moment, I felt we existed only for each other..."
I gave back my love didn't I? But even before I get to realize how lucky I was of having you, things just went wrong... badly. We could have been a happy family by now... Things were just so messed up and even how hard I try to fix it, I couldn't ... and I'm losing enough strength to carry on...
As I consider and reconsider you, I find myself baffling with thoughts of you.. Memories scattering all throughout my head.. When would you ever consider me agin? Why should we end up like this? It's funny how in fairy tales, it always starts with, "once upon a time" and ends up with ".. and they lived happily ever after" where our story just have "they lived happily ever after once upon a time.. "
I loved you, I cared for you.. How could you ever turn away from me just like that? It's hard to fathom what runs through your mind.. Educate me pls.
I know I've said before that I will love you forever. Don't worry, I will always keep my promise. I will... always... Even if there could no longer be any "us" but just a mere "you" and "me"...
I have waited long enough.. I've been hurt. I give up... and I want to move on with my life without you...
I hope we could always remain as brothers and sisters -- at least to this level.
..If only I was born 5 years earlier, then I wouldn't have to go through all these..
I am lost... but I guess this is life.
sigh.
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This is just a little something of what the other side of me can contrive.. Still, I am entitled to whatever I want to post in here err... right? yeah. even to my own opinion and thoughts...
