... awaited by some, the "content-to-be" of this post had been bugging me since i was 7.. sometimes, awakened by night with this "thought" that constantly haunts me even while i sleep...I'd been questioning myself, earnestly asking and thinking about it day after day : "PANGIT BA TALAGA AKO?" -->sorry peeps, di ko lam kung praning lang ako... or what.. but can't get over with it.. :(
I grew up around/mostly with boys.. since I'm the firstborn, and that my gap with the next to me is 5 years, I had preety much experience in being "all alone" and playing by myself all the while in my growing years. Although my mom bought me countless toys, sympre overwhelming me all the time with girl stuff(s), with Barbie dolls and those huge dolls that are (most of the time) taller than me --> even larger than me 2x.. I barely play with them and rather choose those "boy stuffs" for more adventure and excitement to play with the boys next door... with minimal knowledge of my parents coz they are always busy at work.. plus, I'm always around with boy-playmates... kaya nga ako natutong lumaban.. kasi kawawa ako sa kanila.. porket malaki lang sila kesa sakin, they slap me, they box me off, kick me when they dont like to play with me.. that must be why as I grew up, I tend to become more boyish.. coz I have to protect myself from them.. I can't be caught off guard around them and when I have to fight, I learned how to fight... Boys should be the protectors of girls.. kaya nga girls are weaker vessels eh.. pero with me --> I'm being bullied out.. :( bakit kaya? maybe because.. pangit ako... :(
Never did i recalled someone telling me that I'm beautiful in my younger years.. shempre except for my parents, and relatives.. which makes it harder to believe.. dahil shempre nga sasabihn nila ganon, alangan naman sabihin nila : "Ang pangit naman talaga ng anak ko! " edi para narin nilang sinabi na pangit sila.. bwahahahaha...
its just that:
1. pangit ba talaga ako kaya walang nagmamahal sakin? ahem.... ahem and ahem ulit..
--> weird isnt it? di ko nga alam bakit di ako kayang mahalin ng mga taong mahal ko.. dahil ba pangit ako? :(
2. pangit ba talaga ako kaya maraming takot sakin at lagi ako inaaway?
--> whenever people see me.. it feels like they've seen a ghost? they're just not that comfortable whenever they're with me... sa pagkakaalam ko eh, mabait naman ako.. friendly, compassionate, demure (ahem).. pero sadly, they still are afraid of me.. if not afraid of me naman, sobrang bully naman.. bakit? dahil ba pangit ako?
3. pangit ba talaga ako kaya ako bumagsak ng Circuits 1?
--> annoying isnt it? My teacher gave me a flat 5.0 grade.. and for the record, I cried..dahil wala na akong scholarship...(although i hid my tears and anger.. it bursted out.. ) I knew I passed all exams, submitted all requirements.. pero ano? i got 5.0 ... why? dahil ba pangit ako kaya ako pinagdiskitahan ng teacher ko? hello? all the boys in our class passed the subject with 3.0 pero most of them flunked in their exams, didnt passed any assignments..(kasi mga gwapo sila) tapos ako? :(
4. pangit ba talga ako kaya ako binibiyayaan ng mga ibang bagay ni Lord?
-->...
.. gosh.. this post is getting nowhere.. and i"m sleepy nah.. great.. at may daga pa sa kama ko.. eew! and that makes me think :
5. pangit ba talaga ako kaya may daga sa kama ko?
-->of all the people no? sa kama ko pa sya pumunta.. hay.. pwede naman sa kama ng shobe ko, or sa shoti ko or sana di nalang sa kama diba? laki laki ng sahig.. sa kama pa.. see? hay.. ;(
well.. too bad i have to end this post like this..
bakit? dahil baka di na matapos ang post na ito.. at lahat nalang ng bagay, isisi ko sa pagiging pangit ko..
sorry for the nonsense post.. at thank you for reading na rin.. effort din naman ang pagread mo..
... now tell me: pangit ba talaga ako kaya ako nagsusulat ng post na to? or praning lang ako kakaisip ng sagot sa ultimate question na yan..
Matutulog na ako..
*wink* wink*
